I remember your words.

At this point of time now, more than love and all that shit, I'm suffering from insecurities. My future, my education, my life, myself. Friendship stuff really starting to bring me down A LOT.

I remember you said we usually see each other 3 times a week so we do we need to sms/msn or meet up on other days? Firstly, if we were really good friends, why wouldn't you wanna spend more time together if you could? And now, I think it's been a week since we seen each other and I'm pretty sure you don't feel anything.

Honestly, you make me feel patronised every time. You only tell me stuff when I ask as if you had no other choice and then give replies that obviously shows you would rather be doing something else. And when I feel down, you don't really bother at all. What is this?

I'm really sick of trying. I don't wanna ask you out anymore or even talk to you first anymore. I don't wanna be the pest I think I am. As much as it hurts, if you wanna let everything slowly fade away, then so be it. Just don't toy with me anymore.

New policy.

Here's something I've decided to stand by:

"Don't ask, tell. Don't say, don't bother."

Well hope somebody gets what this means! This is a challenge to myself, I'm really sick of being disappointed and being force to take the initiative all the time. I don't wanna feel dispensable any more. If I'm important to you, show me. Don't just lay idle and hope for something.

I've also decided to narrow down my social circle. I won't try to be the nice guy that's everybody's friend any more. I decided this once but I failed to keep to it. This time however, I'm really determined. Lesser friends = lesser hurt. Yes somehow, friendship is starting to hurt me more often and more deeply than relationship stuff recently. I feel lost.